The World's Worst Marbled Papers

The World's Worst Marbled Papers

My entire life has been spent in the study and research of papermaking and the many branches of this fascinating art.  Time and again, over a period of years, I have noted the contempt of the users and connoisseurs of paper for any article which did not measure up to the highest standards of excellence.  They were interested only in the finest hand made paper, the most brilliant of tapa, the most excellent marbled and decorated papers.  Never have I once heard even one of these so-called experts express a desire for specimens of really inferior workmanship.

To me, this exhibits a type of provincial narrow-mindedness which borders on ignorance, and is irrational to say the least.  What they seem to be saying is 'we want to acquire or use only the best--inferior items are of no interest to us'.  This same kind of un-imaginative stodgy thinking has infected four-fifths of the human race since time immemorial. All the great writers and essayists of the past have echoed this time-worm and dreary sentiment, never once giving a thought to the infinite possibilities at the other end of the scale.  Alexander Pope, for instance:

Whoever thinks a faultless piece to see

Thinks what ne'er was, nor is, nor e'er shall be.

Did Pope ever consider how rare it would be to find a piece so completely full of faults, that there could be nothing worse? No, he did not!Like all the others, he missed the point completely.  I say there is a positive virtue in inferiority, when brought to its absolute lowest and most abysmal degree.  It is just as impossible to find a truly defective piece as it is to find a truly perfect one. why no one else has noticed this in all these years is a mystery to me.

Just as there is beauty in perfection, there can be beauty in imperfection.  It is simply a matter of taste, like hot or cold--one is not 'bad' or the other 'good'. We must learn to keep an open mind and enjoy a little variety in our lives now and then.

And now dear reader, we come to the purpose of this essay.  I cannot claim that worse examples of marbled papers do not exist, or have never existed in the past.*  I can only say that during a lifetime of diligent searching, I have not found them. The inferiority of the San Serriffean samples included here is so overwheling it beggars description. They must be seen.  The revolting color combinations are masterpieces in themselves. Such a profusion of air bubbles, blemishes, streaks, slurs, stains, creases, sticky spot and wrinkles, do not just happen by themselves.  No, the defects were cleverly planned and executed by deft and experienced hands. It would be impossible to created so many peerless imperfections by accident--this is the supreme effort of dedicated experts.  I do not expect to live long enough to see worse. These sheets represent the very highest standards of incompetence and imperfection, and include every known defecect of such papers, plus a few more which up to now have been unknown. I commend them to your close inspection and careful study.  It is not likely we shall see their kind again.

*Two fragments of the earliest and most primitive examples of marbling are known to us. Made during a violent sandstorm in Vey-Izmir in the year 1408, using the ancient melted chicken-fat size and mud colors, they do not even approach the standard of inferiority shown by the samples in this essay.

Republic of San Serriffe's capitol city San Serriffe's monument to the "World's Worse Marbled Papers"